After much insanity and without further ado

I present........... an update!!!
It has been so long since I have written on here and the only excuse I have without making too many excuses is to say that I have had a mistress the last couple of months. Yes it is true my mistress is, dun dun dun, - Facebook. FB is much easier and consumes way less of my time. On the whole it probably consumes more but initially it is about a 5 minute look -see and it feels like way less of a commitment. Are there any "real feelings" or deep content on there? No. But I have liked it because I haven't had to "work" on it to make it right. Here I have to think about what to say, how to say it, and it has been much too difficult to use my few minutes in the day to compile a much larger final piece. Although I have enjoyed the time with my mistress I feel that I also need to make time for my wife. After all, the tryst was great but my wife knows me so much better. More posts to come. In the meantime..ponder my babies and how they have grown.

A Poem for the Lil' Ones

My Children

Their smiles
Their eyes
Their laughs
Their cries

The way they look
when I enter a room,
it as if their face
could jump over the moon.

Their tiny hands
I hold so dear,
One day may hold
their own babies near.

Every line
that shapes their face,
Every new freckle and crease
I know it's place.

As time passes so
swiftly and fades away,
A year ago seems
like yesterday.

What I want them to know
is I tried my best,
Did a whole bunch of praying
and let God handle the rest.

Hopefully having
a "small" success in life,
It's to be a great mother
and wonderful wife.


I say "small" because to some people this is just done by existing, to me it is something I work hard at.

As mommies we know things about our little ones that on one else does. What is something you know about your babies(children) that no one else does?

Lord give me Mercy or kill me now....

My Nana used to say this all the time when she was alive and I just used to chuckle. It never meant anything more to me than a saying she used to say all the time. It has a whole new meaning now. Do you ever have days that turn into weeks, weeks that turn into months, months into years, that you feel like you are waiting? The past few months since I was hospitalized before Ethan was born I waited for myself to go into labor, then I waited to some home to Hannah, then I waited for him to get out, then I waited for him to be off the breathing monitor, then I waited for him to stop having reflux, then I waited until I was not tired anymore....Today I am waiting for my blood test results to come back from the Endocrinologist. I had abnormal lab work about two months ago and with my HMO (die in a cot and not on the floor)ins policy It took about 2 months to get referred and get help for my sleepiness. I wasn't sure if I was sleepy because I wake up every two hours like a normal new Mom or if there was a problem. Well there was a problem. They now think I have an auto-immune thyroid disease. I will probably have to be on medication for a while and they are going to monitor me. There are many more worse things that I could have but being a person that likes to do everything I have not fared well with being tired all the time even when I do sleep. Do you ever feel like your waiting for something else? Is this just me? Do you need something to look forward to in the future? If not, how do you live in the moment?? I need to learn to live in the moment. In certain ways I never want to stop time until it is too late. Do you?

I have not abandoned you, my dear blog

I am so sorry to my readers, what few of you there are, that it seemed as though I left this old blog. Carefully placed it right on the top of that old dusty bookshelf, along with my 3 inch heels, and note cards of times that passed, waiting for a day when I thought I would have, I mean make, the time to write. I could say a thousand reasons why I have not written here but none of which would be true. The truth is that I wanted this blog to be more than an update of events passed but also a place where others thoughts could be shared and, in reading about my interpretation and experience with my own family, others that read could say if they felt the same or different too. The problem is I ran out of wanting to write. It began to feel like another responsibility and it did not fulfill what it should have because I was not giving what I felt I should have. After much time away I have made a promise to myself to come back with a blog that could include others thoughts and feedback. As a Mom that stays at home this is what I need more of in my life. As it is so important for others to read what I write here and connect to it, it is equally important that I write from my heart and instead of just re-telling simple "facts", state what is really happening in my life. Life with my children is more than just a percentile or a step and it is my goal to open my heart to my readers that are still there and tell them exactly what that more is. Stay Tuned!

Hannah in Vintage Dress

My Grandma Pearl's sister Aunt Gen used to make these cute dresses that are actually vintage pillowcases with a onesie on top. They are beautiful! When Hannah was born she sent one for her to wear when she got big enough. well yesterday we had her put it on and take pictures. She's into jumping big time and takes it seriously like it's an olympic sport so I got a really cute one of her jumping off her toy box. Anyhow here are the pics.
Enjoy!
Windy

Haven't posted in Awhile

Sorry all bloggers but we have been a little swamped since Ethan arrived home. He came home 3 weeks ago tomorrow and this is the first chance I have had to update with the good news. He is doing well but as expected no one is sleeping around here. Between him and Hannah we have out hands full! My Grandma Sharon and Ryan's Mom Lynn have been coming and helping us out and that has made it easier in the days but the nights are all us and it has been a real challenge to get used to. We are so lucky he came home healthy and we have been blessed with not one but two miracles. I wanted to post some pics of him so you could see what he looks like now. He is 9 lbs and growing bigger each day. Hannah is turning into quite the Mommy and helper too. She wants to give him his paci when he cries and she calls him Queaky for Squeaky b/c he squeaks a lot.

Ethan Update

Ethan is growing bigger each day. He now weighs about 7 lbs and is really starting to look a lot like Hannah when she was little. He was expected to leave the hospital sometime last week but he has not been able to increase his cc's when feeding from the bottle. If possible, I plan to breastfeed exclusively when he gets home but in the meantime he needs to be able to drink 60 cc's every 3 hours to be able come home. This amount is based on his weight and increases as he too gains weight. He was born with a pulmonary condition that all preemies have that are born at 30 weeks. It is called RDS - respiratory distress syndrome. It basically just means he cannot breath on his own and needs help of a ventilator or oxygen. By being intubated and then re-intubated for some days, and on ventilator assistance, his lungs suffered some damage. By the age of 2 it should virtually be gone because of the fact that children naturally grow new lung tissue by that age. After a preemie is on oxygen for 21 days they re-label them with Brachopulmonary Dysplasia which just means that they still need oxygen to live in. When Ethan comes home he will be on oxygen for sure. A nurse will come to the house several times a week and we will take him to a clinic where they will assess his oxygen needs and he will slowly in the coming months be weaned off of it. He also has what is called apneaic episodes where he essentially forgets to breathe. This actually sounds scarier than it is but it means that he will have to come home on a monitor which will let us know of this happens. He is on the medication caffeine for this and he has thankfully not had an episode in several days. If we wanted him to come home right now he would have to be tube fed at home on top of me pumping, trying to breastfeed, feeding bottles, oxygen and the monitor. I told the doctor today that with a 2 year old it just is not going to happen. So I am not quite sure when he will come home. It is essentially up to how well he feeds in the coming weeks and days. Ironically enough we need to get him to take a bottle so I can essentially get him home and get him off of one. Although it may seem like he has a lot of problems, for a baby born at his gestational age he is doing remarkably well. They are all typical "preemie" characteristics. I would like to thank everyone for their support and prayers. We could not have done this without our friends and families.

Two Great Showers!

I had two great showers that were given in honor of Ethan's birth. The first one by my neighbor and good friend Liz. We went to a restaurant that I have always wanted to go to in Riverside called Sevilla. The food was wonderful and I was showered with wonderful gifts. The second shower was given by my sister in law and mother in law Robyn and Lynn. It was at a really tasty restaurant in Brea called Cedar Creek Inn. They have the best desserts and again I was so blessed to receive many more gifts for Ethan. For being my second baby he sure is spoiled! I want to thank everyone fro making him feel so special and welcome into the family. I have a great group of friends and family that I would not trade for anything and neighbors that are so sweet and special too. I feel so truly blessed. Thank you everyone!

Look how similar my babies look in these pics!

Ethan James is one month and Hannah Noelle is two months.

More Ethan Pics

Sorry I have been so bad about reading and commenting on others' blogs. I have been soo busy going to the Hospital and back that I haven't had much time at all for the computer. I promise in the near future I will begin commenting again on others' blogs. I do however get a chance to read them every once in awhile. I hope everyone is doing well.
Happy New Year!
Windy

Hannah & Marley

Marley stopped by with Kinsey this last week to visit Hannah. They had so much fun together! We miss living closer to them! Kinsey has already gotten so big! It's hard to think of Ethan that big but he will be someday soon.

More Ethan Pics

In photo #2 my 3 and a half pound guy has cheeks! He is doing well, growing bigger each day. Thanks for stopping by.
Windy