Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Poem for the Lil' Ones

My Children

Their smiles
Their eyes
Their laughs
Their cries

The way they look
when I enter a room,
it as if their face
could jump over the moon.

Their tiny hands
I hold so dear,
One day may hold
their own babies near.

Every line
that shapes their face,
Every new freckle and crease
I know it's place.

As time passes so
swiftly and fades away,
A year ago seems
like yesterday.

What I want them to know
is I tried my best,
Did a whole bunch of praying
and let God handle the rest.

Hopefully having
a "small" success in life,
It's to be a great mother
and wonderful wife.

I say "small" because to some people this is just done by existing, to me it is something I work hard at.

As mommies we know things about our little ones that on one else does. What is something you know about your babies(children) that no one else does?

Lord give me Mercy or kill me now....

My Nana used to say this all the time when she was alive and I just used to chuckle. It never meant anything more to me than a saying she used to say all the time. It has a whole new meaning now. Do you ever have days that turn into weeks, weeks that turn into months, months into years, that you feel like you are waiting? The past few months since I was hospitalized before Ethan was born I waited for myself to go into labor, then I waited to some home to Hannah, then I waited for him to get out, then I waited for him to be off the breathing monitor, then I waited for him to stop having reflux, then I waited until I was not tired anymore....Today I am waiting for my blood test results to come back from the Endocrinologist. I had abnormal lab work about two months ago and with my HMO (die in a cot and not on the floor)ins policy It took about 2 months to get referred and get help for my sleepiness. I wasn't sure if I was sleepy because I wake up every two hours like a normal new Mom or if there was a problem. Well there was a problem. They now think I have an auto-immune thyroid disease. I will probably have to be on medication for a while and they are going to monitor me. There are many more worse things that I could have but being a person that likes to do everything I have not fared well with being tired all the time even when I do sleep. Do you ever feel like your waiting for something else? Is this just me? Do you need something to look forward to in the future? If not, how do you live in the moment?? I need to learn to live in the moment. In certain ways I never want to stop time until it is too late. Do you?

I have not abandoned you, my dear blog

I am so sorry to my readers, what few of you there are, that it seemed as though I left this old blog. Carefully placed it right on the top of that old dusty bookshelf, along with my 3 inch heels, and note cards of times that passed, waiting for a day when I thought I would have, I mean make, the time to write. I could say a thousand reasons why I have not written here but none of which would be true. The truth is that I wanted this blog to be more than an update of events passed but also a place where others thoughts could be shared and, in reading about my interpretation and experience with my own family, others that read could say if they felt the same or different too. The problem is I ran out of wanting to write. It began to feel like another responsibility and it did not fulfill what it should have because I was not giving what I felt I should have. After much time away I have made a promise to myself to come back with a blog that could include others thoughts and feedback. As a Mom that stays at home this is what I need more of in my life. As it is so important for others to read what I write here and connect to it, it is equally important that I write from my heart and instead of just re-telling simple "facts", state what is really happening in my life. Life with my children is more than just a percentile or a step and it is my goal to open my heart to my readers that are still there and tell them exactly what that more is. Stay Tuned!