As I am preparing to meet a new life that is growing inside of me I have come to realize, lately, with my Grandfather being ill, that life passes us by so fast and it will not be long before I too am on the way out of this life as he is perhaps going to be very soon. It is weird because I look at pictures of him when I was about 7 years old and they don't seem very long ago when in fact it was a quarter of a century ago. Time passes on so quickly and all we have are photos for memories of what life used to be like. Thinking about my wedding five years ago when he stood on the stairs for the family photo to him slowly but surely declining in health over time seems astonishingly sudden. It also seemed so sudden when he was taken into the care of the nursing facility under hospice care but if you look at it over time it really wasn't that quickly at all. I just think that you don't know really what is missing sometimes until it is gone. Two weeks ago when all he could do was point to the pictures of us on the bulletin board and ask for us to show them to him, we thought this was a sure sign of decline. Then last week I said "I Love You Gramps" and he replied "I Love You". He couldn't lift his neck to look and see us though. We thought this was a rapid decline from the week prior. He now cannot even move his eyes to show us he knows it's us that is with him. We say now that this is definitely a decline. These are all declines of course from the prior week but we forget, of course, in our selfishness that he has lived about 75 good, long, healthy years. It is hard to not wish for more no matter who you are though because that is the human condition. It is hard not to be selfish when it is "our" loved ones. Then I think of my friend whose daughter was diagnosed with Stage 5 Neuroblastoma cancer before her daughter was even one. Every day is so important, we have to remember life is not a dress rehearsal. If you don't like the relationship your in, the job your in, who you are as a person, do not think for even a second that you can change it tomorrow because there are absolutely no guarantees that there will even be a tomorrow. I am not sure which process is more difficult, losing someone quickly and not being able to say goodbye and slowly process the idea that they will be gone, or losing someone over time and still never feeling that there is enough time left. I think it would be hard for me to understand death if I had no faith but since I do it is simple for me. Those whose bodies have failed them go on to live eternally with our Lord Jesus Christ if they have chosen him to be their Lord and Savior. These years, although they seemed so quick, pale in comparison to the rest of eternity with our Father in Heaven. I just think what a wonderful place that will be. Do you have someone you have lost whose memories live on with you? Please share who they were to you and what you remember fondly about them. I can still remember my Nana's hands with her pointer finger that her brother smashed when she was little, rolling out the dough to make the tortillas and how she never had to use tongs to flip her tortillas on the stove she just did it bare-handed.
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2 comments:
I will be praying for your grandfather Windy.
I've lost 3 grandparents already. My Opa (mom's dad) was really strict. I remember when he babysat my brother's and I when we were really young, we did something naughty and I remember him taking his sandal off and throwing it at us across the room! LOL My Oma (mom's mom) I remember her hands too. I remember sitting next to her on the car ride to Bob's Big Boy and running my fingers across the veins on her hands.
My other Opa loved to joke and loved to play the piano.
Memories of loved ones that have passed will always remain in my heart and in my mind.
I hope your Grandpa doesn't suffer. I know how you feel since I nearly lost my husband this week. I was thankful and God isn't ready for him just yet. Hang onto those memories.
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